how to talk to people who don't speak

photo: moriza

I don't speak. At least, I don't communicate in the way most people think of when they see the word "speak". But ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you that I definitely have ways to get my point across.

A lot of people, when they first meet me, are a little bit unsure of how to talk to me, because I don't speak in a typical way. So I thought I'd make a few guidelines to keep in mind when talking to people who communicate in alternative ways.

Talk TO me.

Even though I won't respond in the same way you do, I'm still listening. It might seem kind of weird at first to ask me questions when you aren't sure how to understand my answers, but it's a small thing that I really appreciate.

Look at me when you're talking to me.

This is another small thing, but it can make a big difference. It can also be tricky to remember sometimes- people I've known for years still sometimes make eye contact with my assistant more than with me. I mean, my assistant's nice and all, but I'm the one you're talking to, right?

Treat me just like anyone else.
I'm not a space alien. I'm also not a kid. I'm a 20-year-old guy. I don't care if you swear in front of me, and I probably won't be all that interested if you start talking about makeup or shoes.

It's alright to repeat yourself or rephrase what you're saying if you're not sure whether I understood something. Just make sure you're not talking down to me. If you're not sure about the difference, think about how you would talk to a businessperson who was still learning English vs. a young child. In both cases you would probably make sure to speak clearly and not use super-complicated words, but your tone would be a lot different.

Try not to overanalyse.
Don't worry too much about saying the 'right' or 'wrong' things. It's okay to say you've got to run if I'm in my wheelchair- I won't be offended. As long as you're not insulting me or mine we're all good.

Also try not to overanalyse me. Just because I'm not making eye contact with you doesn't mean I'm not listening. If I seem restless, it might be because I find you boring, but it could also be because my chair is uncomfortable or I'm stressed about a test I have this afternoon, or maybe I find what you're saying really interesting and I'm excited about it! Try not to jump to conclusions. Everyone has things going on in their lives that you don't know about. I'm no different.

Be yourself.

Don't feel like you have to put on a different face around me. If you're having a crappy day, don't pretend to act cheerful just for me (I won't for you either...). Relax and be who you are.